lazy sunday

Nothing better to do today except just sit around and do...nothing. Classes ended last Friday, and final exams start on Tuesday I think, though I don't have my first final until the 31st - and it's a hellish one. Not so much in the sense that I'm not sure if I'll do fine, but rather that my grade for this class, Legal Method, is the final exam. Nothing else.

With that in mind, I decided it would be in my best interest to not try and bum along with Zack, his friend from home Cody, and the girls (Kirstin, Sam, Cory) on what seemed to be a impromptu "road" trip to Wellington and back. Though I really do wish I could have gone - it involves a 12-hour scenic train ride through the North Island, and then I think they're picking up a car and driving back via the West Coast. The cards were stacked against me though - the car only had room for the five of them, so I'd have to book a flight back to AKL (which I wouldn't have objected to); but the dealbreaker for me was that when I called the hostel, I found out I wouldn't have been able to stay in the same room as they were in - the sixth bed was already booked. And everyone here knows damn well how much I hate meeting people and dealing with strangers.

So anyway, according to "official" university rules, as of 12 noon today, no one is allowed to have alcohol or make substantial noise within student housing for the remainder of the semester. In that light, we had a end of semester / Halloween bash on Friday night - aside from beers we brought ourselves, there was a very large amount of drinks on the house. I went as a representation of white trash - so I had a torn and stained wife beater on and some tattoos painted by Kirstin - I think there are pictures of them completed...I hope, I really want them!

Other than that, I'm really bored today. I don't plan to start studying until tomorrow, as my brain needs a mental break from studying after a test on Thursday (which was essentially the final). I got hung up on one question which I believed had a typo in it, and as a result didn't finish the test. I was not pleased about that - I will probably pass, but it won't be pretty. Even if I get say, a C+ in logic and a C in Art History, I will hopefully have either an A or high B in Legal Method and History to offset those grades, and maybe keep my GPA decent.

a state of limbo (or disputed consciousness)

I'm too tired to do anymore studying - my logic textbook full of really simple errors toward my stopping point is evidence of that - but I just attempted to sleep for half an hour with little success there either. Ergo...here I am.

This weekend was more of the same old things that weekends are comprised of - some variation of the three girls made their way into my life on Friday and Saturday. Friday, it was Kirstin and Sam - watched Shawshank Redemption while drinking: they both had never seen it, and when Martyn blurted out the ending (in asking Zack a question about it), pretty much gave it up for them. Whatever - serious films shouldn't be watched when alcohol is being consumed.

The entire scene was fairly deja vu for me - all I could think of was the past two years and the many movies that were nominally 2 or 3 hours long, but the actual time they took was a equation consisting of actual length (hrs.) + number of shots consumed by whomever held the remote (so usually Mark) + number of people present (me, Mark, Jon, Kim, Beth [later on])...I think it's clear where I'm taking this.

At least the film was completed in around its actual time...maybe two rewound scenes, but no pausing! (no remote either...that helped)

Saturday was everybody, started out at the girls' place, with improvised white Russians and other vodka-based mixed drinks. Blech. Given the choice between no alcohol and alcohol, I'll drink vodka, but such an extreme is rarely the case. Hence, I think I'll leave the vodka to the Nordic-types, which leaves more whiskey, tequila, rum, beer, wine...for my consumption.

Made our way down to the Viaduct club area, and started out at Degree - I had been there before, but was substantially buzzed...whereas this Saturday, the time from my last drink to actually getting there (my text message log leads me to estimate about an hour) resulted in me being completely sober. I sorta danced a little...but was fully conscious of my inability to dance. Meanwhile, two other friends, Bonnie and Gina, were at the club as well, but were just leaving for another place, Danny Doolans. I ended up leaving and heading over there in short order.

Being sober there was annoying at first, as I was legit irritated by being constantly shoved and jostled by other people going to and fro - although not reacting to strongly was in my best interests - the closest call I had involved a large gentleman wearing a sport jacket; looking up and focusing, I quickly realized this to be the likes of a bouncer, who was in the process of removing another drunk, resisting patron. Yeah, Rajan, bad idea to cross him. Fortunately as the night went on the club emptied a little - from no breathing room to pockets of actual elbow room by 3 am. My flatmate, Christine, also happened to be at that bar. It was a little odd at first, since I just kept locking eyes (and I'm sure she knew I was there as well), but we finally said hi. Ended up buying a drink for her and her friend, who was very nice - hung out with her a bit (no I don't remember her name), and I thought I had something good going - but then she wanted to go smoke; being the idiot I can be, I said I didn't. Oh well. Found Bonnie, and just chilled with her and her friends, with Christine and her friends finding their way to us later on.

So I'm still not sleepy, one bit. I'd put a movie on and go lie on my bed, but since it's 5 am, it would be inconsiderate to everyone else sleeping (lucky...) to use my speakers...and I don't really relish the idea of sitting at my desk with headphones on. Moving the computer is downright out of the question. *sigh* the travesties that comprise my life...I could always study some more...oh wait, that's making me sleepy...

I don't know what happened but...

Yesterday was a milestone in this study abroad adventure business - the start of my last full month in New Zealand. I'll be honest, I get a mixed feeling about crossing that point - I can't wait to be back in Boston and see friends again. But, on the other hand, I don't think I accomplished all that much, at least in the realm of what I wanted to do. Most of that was financial - save for maybe the past two weeks when the bottom fell out on the dollar, each NZ$1 was around US$1...let's average it at 1.35 or so. When I received orientation materials from the University of Auckland, they suggested a budget of $175-$275 (US)/week. Study Abroad suggested around $6,000 (US) - yes that's more than the uni, but I now completely understand why they suggested it - and yes, I was stubborn and decided to go on the lower end of the uni budget (less than the Study Abroad office - probably about US $225/wk). So now that it is around $1.60 +/- (link), I have virtually no money left to splurge, if you will.

(P.S. - no consumer prices haven't adjusted accordingly. So yes, I'm getting substantially more bang for my buck right now. For example, a 12-pack of beer at the local mini-mart has always been $25: in July, that was $18.50, now it's $15.15)

I suppose if there is one thing I have learned, it's the importance of forward-thinking. E.g. - when I do get a job, I am most definitely making sure, through some automatic process, that 15 - 25% of my paycheck is instantly squirreled away in my savings account. More if possible, because I think although it might be devastating for certain aspects of my social/relationship life, I should consider moving back home and staying put for at least a year, which will be significantly cheaper than moving to say, Boston or New York and dealing with all that.

I also don't feel that I traveled anywhere near as much as I could have. Many different reasons behind that - yes, money is part of it - but I am considering getting a loan from the bank of Dad (most likely will call him today).

But, as most of my close friends reading this stateside know, I have a big mental block about doing pretty much anything alone, especially something like traveling. I suppose it's more I just want to be with people to share whatever memories happen. I don't know. I suppose I didn't really make too much of an effort to get out and meet many people - but that's a catch-22...it would have required me to most likely go out alone, at least at first. (see the problem?) And yes, I know that I fell into some of my old habits that probably ultimately alienated (or at least gave a fairly negative impression of me to) some...especially in the relationship / looking department - to boot, I naturally have nothing to show for that.

Yes, a third goal would have been to meet someone, even if for just the four months I was / am here. I try to keep the fact that I am very actively looking to myself (aside from that omission and the borderline ecstatic state I go into when I think I finally met 'her'); a lot of my friends, especially guy friends, think I'm absolutely insane when I say I'm tired of being single - it's been...wow...four years since I last had a date that wasn't ambiguous in its intent. Well, it's not like I'm really enjoying many of the "privileges" - I'm not going out to clubs/bars/parties (however much I keep prodding friends to go) and meeting/hooking up with girls; I'm not all that active in the dating scene, somewhat by choice (not mine though!) - and I'm sure that's not going to change, especially if I move home...

The ultimate question is, even though I have 29 days left, will I actually do anything? Obviously, this coming week will be a low likelihood - it's the final week of classes, and I have a large test on Thursday that I kinda need to learn 2/3rds of the material for. That's gonna be this weekend. Next Friday is a Halloween/end-of-classes bash/shitshow...so looking forward to that. That will be followed by a week of intense studying as my first exam is on the 31st, and it's worth a whopping 100% of my final grade...take a breath for a moment, than I have to work on my senior dissertation for NU, which is due the 7th as it is being graded as a term paper here. Oh yes, then another week of studying for an exam (only 50% though) in a class I barely went to on the 12th.

Uh...wow, even though my carefully planned out schedule above will be completely trashed by say...midday today when I get up and can't be bothered with doing anything and play my computer game instead...I now see why it is said that everyone goes into virtual hibernation during finals. It seems like a long time...but it's definitely needed.

meh, and other onomatopoetic sounds

Ah yes, once again, it's 1 in the morning and another red-eye entry brought to you by the resident insomniac.

The weekend was decent. After returning from class Friday, a bunch of us went over to the Domain - one of the large parks in Auckland, and my apartment complex is more or less within it - and played touch rugby. I'm improving! By that, I'm no longer just standing around clueless or running half-assed to look like I'm actually involved - but my offense needs some work (probably my defense as well). When I got the ball, I was too consumed by the euphoria to actually do anything useful - like run forward...more or less I ended up handing it off (backwards passing only...) to the nearest teammate, as if it were coated in some lethal goo. Another barbecue followed - the ruined dish this time was pork sausages from the butcher down the road...cooked them way too fast on the outside...so by the time they weren't raw in the middle, the outsides were charred black. Yum.

My goal of getting out was...well technically achieved...and it was a fun time. Two of the girls came up from their apartment in center city, and well...there was some drinking, and we ended up heading down to Newmarket to a really nice bar, which I hadn't been to since late August when I went there with a girl I was interested in at the time. I really should start busting out my camera - IF ONLY I COULD GET MY COMPUTER TO READ MY FUCKING MEMORY CARD! That is easily going to be the biggest aggravation of this entire semester abroad.

Anyway, today was a lazy Sunday - watched some friends play volleyball from my balcony, while listening to the crushing (emotionally, not statistically...9-8 in 11 innings) defeat Boston suffered at the hands of Tampa Bay. All I can think about though, relating to this series, is that Papelbon better not be injured too badly - that was a bad deflection he took off his left side. And Timlin...gahh well the guy has to pitch sometime. Lets hope he retires this off season (don't be a hero...you're not qualified...)

Aight, that's enough of this for now.

inspiration...

I think I have finally my catalyst to focus my senior dissertation.

The assignment nominally is to assess the American Dream and how its depiction has changed throughout the history of Hollywood, using films from the class and outside research at one's leisure. However, since I am not writing the paper primarily for this university or this history course, but rather for my senior capstone back at NU, I was able to work with the professor to customize the paper for those requirements. More or less, it's basically going to be an expanded version of the assignment.

I do find it almost inappropriate though to not look at the American Dream as anything but the American Nightmare, especially since I will probably take a contemporary approach to writing this piece - essentially, I want to answer the question, what is the American Dream right now? My answer to this question is another question: what dream?

"I'm losing my mind" is overly presumptuous

killing time before my 11:00 tutorial. can't be bothered to write with acknowledgment of the rules of the English language, such as complete sentences or capital letters, too tired. really stupid idea to attempt staying up all night, as i had been up with friends until 2:00-ish. no i didn't, by the way...was concerned that i'd fall asleep and not wake up in time for breakfast and my 8 am - surprisingly, I did.

have been told by a majority of my readers (2) that essentially i can be overly verbose and...erm...borderline obsessed on topics? yah i don't remember exactly what the issues were, not that i care frankly. well my bad, i'll try to be more diverse...or less frequent with writing. I dunno.

would really, really, like to go out this weekend - club, bar, movie - fuck, i'll settle for the dairy! (no, i won't actually...). or alternatively, maybe those who come up could bother themselves to bring other people? (hinty hint HINT.) there are people I want to get to know, but i can't think of a logical or subtle (see a recent post on the subject) way to make this happen on my own, lest i be labeled a complete creep.

whatever. maybe tonight will be an impromptu outing - after all, a few friends are spending the whole day idolizing a strange fellow who they knew for at most...a few days? oh yeah, and getting absolutely blasted.

I've decided it's time for a break from my work. Been at this computer on campus since about 10:30 this morning, researching for my senior dissertation - I think I finally have a topic and direction that will satisfy the requirements for the course I'm taking here, as well as what I need to get done at Northeastern.

So meanwhile, I'm listening to the debate that started...now. I have officially removed my support from McCain (as offical as a facebook page can be...) - perhaps temporarily, perhaps for good. I definitely want to listen to both sides, because I frankly am at a loss on who to vote for...seeing that I just recieved my ballots via e-mail from Vermont...

So here goes. Will probably write some stuff as this malay progresses.