shaken confidence

So I looked through my grades from Auckland last night...not great. I failed one class, and two others weren't impressive: I passed them, but by the skin of my teeth. One of my friends said that perhaps only the credits come back, not the grades themselves - that would be nice, but it's not like there's ANY place it's set out in stone particularly.

But now it looks like I effed up the Journal Requirement (the actual point of this blog, sorry it wasn't actually intended to entertain anyone). From the OISP site, I was supposed to do these types of things...

Pre-Departure:

• What are your goals and objectives for studying abroad?
• What do you hope to gain from this experience (personal, academic, career)?
• Why did you select the program you are going on?
• How does it feel to leave friends, family, and NU behind?

During the semester:

• What are your first impressions? Think about the people, campus life, courses, transportation, politics, food, language, family, music, clothes, etc.
• What insights have you gained about your host country through the courses you are taking?
• How do your American values, beliefs, and traditions differ from your host country?
• What is it like being a minority in another country?
• How does the media respond to different world events?
• What is the relationship between the US and your host country?

Returning:

• What have you done that has made a significant difference in your life?
• What advise would you give to future study abroad students?
• What did you learn about your host country?
• What did you learn about yourself?
• What is your favorite memory?

Yeah. I had a quick look through this thing...looks like I started out well...but it kinda morphed into a day-to-day blog for friends to read. Which, further down the page, is listed under the unacceptable types of journals submitted. Just wonderful.

I make my own bad days I guess. I shouldn't have checked all this crap at the start of a holiday weekend, since now I can't do anything about it but stew for...four or so days.

So I guess I could write some stuff about all the above, and try to submit it. It's not like I blatantly disregarded the requirements. I just sort of...forgot about them. About the same time I started slacking off in my classes, and we know what happened there. It's not like I don't try, I just stray off course sometimes; this was only exasperated by being in a different country and trying to change as a person - I was so uptight and easily irritated by things before I left. In NZ I suppose I learned to relax and let stuff just bounce off. But perhaps I took it too much to heart, and lost my ability to self-advocate. That would explain why I didn't aggressively pursue getting help when I should have. It's not like I didn't know, at least at a gut instinct level, that I wasn't doing as well as I could have in my classes.

Perhaps this may be seen as an excuse, but with me, if I'm not interested in the subject matter being presented before me (e.g.: historic art in 15th century Europe, ick), I'm not going to engage in the course. If I don't engage, it shows in poor markings on my papers and exams. I could have dropped the classes and searched for stuff that I was interested in, but to be honest, I was nervous that they wouldn't be equivalent to any courses upon returning. (I've heard stories.) Like I said, I made my bed on this one.

If theres one thing I've learned, it's that college is a fine balance between personal and academic growth. It's all about the choices made. For example, I could go out on a Wednesday night and get to know people, but at what expense? Class on Thursday morning, where information for the exam is given? Alternatively, I could forgo taking a trip to the other side of the country, so I can stay around and catch up on my work. But then I'm unable to relate to anyone that I routinely interact with, so I'm cast off as the antisocial one. And what is really the likelihood I'm going to keep up with many of the people I met for more than say, a year or so. Or they'll keep up with me? In other words, I'm sitting here in Vermont, with a transcript of disastrous proportions, and while I made good friends there, they're all back in their American lives scattered around the country.

I don't know I guess. Maybe this entry will help salvage this journal. It certainly helped my mood. Time to go make cranberry chutney for dinner at 4. Happy Thanksgiving!

the things i should do are the things i'm not

I'm back in Boston. What a great feeling to be home again!

Although - I did NOT get my thesis done in time while over in Auckland, so I should go to the library and work on that...alas no. I'm typing in this thing and having a Dunkin' Donuts breakfast...to be honest, I feel like it's just another day and I'm loitering at Shilman Hall instead of going to class.

Aside from the fact that it's subarctic here (I think with the wind chill it was 16, or -9 Celsius, this morning), and that the sun goes down around 4:45, I don't have many complaints about being home. But then again who does?

For everyone else coming back - I thought of a really great game, it only works though flying across the country at night. Try to guess what cities your flying over, just based on the lights. It really kept me from going insane with boredom on the plane. Not to mention how weird it is to see Chicago, Indianapolis, and Cincinnati in one glance. They look like small towns that are a few miles apart, when in reality we all know how big each of those cities are.

So now I am home, and from here going to the Study Abroad office to do what I need to do upon returning (which I don't have a clue what), I suppose this is the appropiate entry with which to say goodbye. I hope I didn't bore you all too much with my musings over the past four months. Frankly I liked it as a way to keep sane, and it gave me something to do.

E noho rā, and thanks for reading.

I'm waiting for my laundry to get done, and I'm generally sulking about, so I mightaswell write something.

I feel absolutely horrible. I shouldn't be...it's the last day I spend in NZ and I think people are gonna start doing stuff this afternoon (aka drinking). I probably won't do all that much, I kinda do want to get to the right plane...not say...accidentally fly to Australia or whatever (well I could deal with that).

My damn thesis isn't done...yet. Which means it's coming back with me to the US - where I can work on it at my leisure (sort of) and email my professor a final copy...I emailed her, lets hope she doesn't object all that much. To be fair, I did send what I had done. But right now I've psyched myself out of working on it anymore...did I mention that I feel horrible about this whole thing?

I have to get to campus to drop off some books at the library, and I do want to get a sweatshirt or something from here. Maybe I'll go to the Auckland Museum...I doubt it though because I don't think I could give it justice though.

Plus I need to pack. Fortunately I didn't bring my life with me so I can probably get that done in half an hour...once my clothes are dry I'll just get that out of the way I suppose.

Speaking of...its 10:10 so the hour's up...

Just woke up, and it looks like a beautiful day out - not a cloud in the sky from what I can see out my window. Looking at the forecast it appears that today will be the last nice day I see in Auckland - although tomorrow may not be bad (just not as perfect as today).

I am so tempted - you have no idea - to blow off my paper today and go picture taking. Which I can't sadly. I should have a lot more done on it than I do currently, but I had the most severe writers block this week...fortunately I finally broke through it yesterday afternoon.

Well, maybe if I write about one film...maybe even two.

Better get started.

i'm up way too early for Sunday...

The long sought secret to fertility must be here in New Zealand, if the Associated Press is as reliable a source as they espouse to be...

Obama’s Election Inspires an Indigenous Party in New Zealand

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Published: November 7, 2008

"...Maori account for 15 percent of New Zealand’s population of 3.4 million, and they are among the country’s poorest, worst housed and least healthy citizens, enduring higher than average unemployment rates."

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/08/world/asia/08zealand.html

New Zealand Leader Concedes Defeat

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Published: November 8, 2008

Filed at 7:20 a.m. ET

"John Key, a 47-year-old multimillionaire former foreign currency trader and leader of the conservative National Party, swept easily to power in this South Pacific country of 4.1 million people. He did so by ousting Prime Minister Helen Clark's Labour Party."

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/world/AP-AS-New-Zealand-Election.html

So that would be an increase of 700,000 (20.58%) in 24 hours...?

from halloween

found pictures! Not the most flattering...



I'm only posting one of the tatts, as the other one is a confederate flag...and I don't want to offend anyone (and we all know what that flag looks like anyhow).

So to add some content- one of the girls drew faces on oranges to represent Zack, Cody, and myself...

I'm on the left. Does anybody else see the resemblance to South Park's Cartman?

uninspired

My last exam is Monday...and I haven't started studying yet. Oops.

I'd like to get to campus, because at my apartment I'm just too distracted. But there's a problem: my sleep schedule is completely screwed up. While trying to study for my finals in the past two weeks, I was pulling all nighters, since I work much better at night - I guess it's more that everyone else isn't up and about to distract me (by doing non academic things, which investigating is much better than studying I suppose). As a result, I am now accustomed to going to bed around...4, 5 AM and getting up...whenever I decide to get up.

Or worse still, I have tried going to bed around 10:30 - 11:00 (not tonight clearly, read on...), but I found myself just waking up in the middle of the night. Not like just-had-a-nightmare woken up (or even have to go to the toilet woken up), but woken up without rhyme or reason. Yet, I felt so refreshed that I'd guess it was around 5:30 or something, but to my dismay, my phone would say "2:45" or something equally ridiculous. So to pass the time (clearly sleep wasn't going to), I'd putz around online or playing my computer games...go back to bed around 6 AM.

That was the case today (Friday). Except I actually fell asleep, and didn't get up for hours. Usually when that happens, I'll end up overshooting the actual time, where I wake up and think it's much later than it is. Instead today, I woke up, and guessed it was maybe...11:30, noon even...

Not even close. Try 3:15 PM. And my alarm was even set and on! (sorry Martyn for having to hear that racket for I don't even want to know how long).

In short, got nothing done today. Again. Maybe I'll try some studying right now...

Other than that, nothing much has been happening. Some friends went on another trip to the South Island, which I couldn't partake in because of this stupid final on Monday. Surprisingly, I'm not completely broke, but actually I have a decent buffer in cash alone, not even counting my checking account or my credit card (which I am NOT touching again until I get a job). Except for a potential trip next weekend, I don't plan to do much, so I should be more than set. I do also have to write my senior thesis for NU, and that's not gonna get going until Monday at the earliest.