Free...as a bird...

There is really something to be said for subtlety. I just don't know with absolute certainty what it is yet - though I think I am starting to get my head around it though.

Here's what I've learned so far - subtlety is NOT:

• persistence to the degree that "yes" is really a sugar-coated "alright already let's do something so you shut up"
  
• visits without goals/activities in mind.
  
• [this bullet point is intentionally left blank] (well, I haven't learned that much yet I suppose...)
  

In other words, subtlety is what I'm not. And by "not," I mean what I used to not be. Effective 1:15 AM (NZ Summer Time), on Monday 29 September, I'm going to try being a subtle creature. This may result in me missing out, but given what ultimately has transgressed between myself and the reason for this change, I don't think (Bad play on words warning) I'll...miss...what I'm missing.

I think that this proves the whole part of how people change when they go overseas - oddly enough, I chose to open up a random entry in the blog - I chose an old entry from I think the first week of classes. some things remained the same - i was still bitching about Art History...


So anyway...

If only I could write papers as quickly as I write blog entries. In that I've gotten to -- 176 words...since I started this just after 1 am (it's now 1:36)...well, I guess it's not that fast. Point is, I have a 2,000 word paper due in just over 24 hours - and I haven't done one iota for it. I guess I've just really stopped caring about this class. See my last blog entry. However, there is hope - I had a paper of an exactly similar length late last week, and I managed to get that done in about four hours (no joke Mark...)

And to finish off, I share the following YouTube video to pay homage to all the negative political ads that everyone is being bombarded with stateside...

I absolutely hate this class...

...so instead I'm going to write in here, while sort of paying attention to lecture. The class is about historical art in Europe throughout the Renaissance Era. Don't get me wrong, I like looking at the pieces, and I'd love to get back to Europe sometime and see these places. However, I could care less about any of the other details. I would have dropped this course, why I didn't I don't know.

Anyway, nothing too new in life - tomorrow the residence hall that I live at is organizing a free trip to some hot pools outside Auckland - I hope that turns out to be fun...

Oh, our flat is finally having another party - well, it started out as a challenge from me to another girl over Edward Fortyhands - except here they don't measure in ounces, nor do they have bottles of beer in an equivalent size (1.2 liters). I guess here, it's called "Edward Scrumpyhands," I'm assuming that has something to do with the type of bottle...

que sera sera

For some reason, I was convinced to hit up the club scene again tonight, why I don't even know. It was more or less a drastic failure (at least for me) from the get-go. Worse, it wasn't anyone's fault but my own. In other words, for those who don't know me really intimately, pretty much every single weakness of mine manifested itself in some form, and somehow contributed to the detriment. Don't get me wrong, I'm elated that the two guy friends I went down with are probably hooking up with two very good looking girls tonight - they did the work, they earned it, but the whole reminded me of how shy (or maybe just socially retarded) I am. Alternatively, I could find fault in another friend of mine for not introducing me as enthusiastically, but they had a good point after I alluded to my issues - "you could always go over and introduce yourself..."

However, by the time the above transgressed, I would have violated the man law, in my interpretation. Although, yes, there were three girls initially (key), by the time I started protesting in secret, only the two girls that were introduced to the guys remained, and I strongly believe the third girl went elsewhere for the same reason I was hesitant to get in the middle of my guy mates. So anyway, I distanced myself, and was OK with things - I actually told my female friend (the one who told me to introduce myself), "well, if I'm not gonna meet anyone tonight, I might-as-well go drink and forget about everything." That was going well and we were all on the dance floor enjoying ourselves, until, oh yeah - forgot to mention, she's single too! So...her and her girl friend got hit on by other guys, who pretty much just shoved me out of the way - the first time through I shoved my way back in, but afterward I came to and decided it wasn't worth a fight, I just walked off the dance floor and stewed from afar.

Watching them enjoy themselves, and my mates enjoy themselves, versus me standing awkwardly alone drinking, further pissed me off. I felt it come up in my face...just the whole scowl and flushing of the cheeks, you probably know what I mean. In other words, I essentially started cock-blocking myself. To seal the deal, I saw my two mates and their gals do a dance train off the floor over to the bar. With that I decided it was time to go home, even though that meant going home alone. My mood plus my lack of self-promotion had more or less sealed my fate.

Perhaps I made my own bed on this one. [redacted] If so, read: I'M STILL SINGLE, AND I'M STILL LOOKING. [redacted]. I dunno, I'm just sick of always having to feel like I have to plead and beg to do things with people - when for every 10 times I do that, I maybe am once asked to join in without me doing any sort of action (asking, first observing then..., etc.).

don't drink and...have the flu

Wow, it's been a really long time since I wrote in this thing. Oh well - I've been away from Auckland the past two weeks, nor am I psyched to be back. At all. Aside from the tests and the fact I've class again, I have the flu. Bona fide this time. As in - body aches, severe chills, headache, etc...so to that effect this entry will be relatively short. Also the reason why I'm in on a Saturday night. Boo. Pretty much killing time while I have another cup of blackcurrant tea that has medicine in it...that's nice. And I'm definitely getting up at 5:30 tomorrow to have another...well maybe not.

Since I can't think clearly, I can't be bothered to write anything more now. Though I will definitely - it has been the best two weeks yet, on multiple fronts.