Free...as a bird...

There is really something to be said for subtlety. I just don't know with absolute certainty what it is yet - though I think I am starting to get my head around it though.

Here's what I've learned so far - subtlety is NOT:

• persistence to the degree that "yes" is really a sugar-coated "alright already let's do something so you shut up"
  
• visits without goals/activities in mind.
  
• [this bullet point is intentionally left blank] (well, I haven't learned that much yet I suppose...)
  

In other words, subtlety is what I'm not. And by "not," I mean what I used to not be. Effective 1:15 AM (NZ Summer Time), on Monday 29 September, I'm going to try being a subtle creature. This may result in me missing out, but given what ultimately has transgressed between myself and the reason for this change, I don't think (Bad play on words warning) I'll...miss...what I'm missing.

I think that this proves the whole part of how people change when they go overseas - oddly enough, I chose to open up a random entry in the blog - I chose an old entry from I think the first week of classes. some things remained the same - i was still bitching about Art History...


So anyway...

If only I could write papers as quickly as I write blog entries. In that I've gotten to -- 176 words...since I started this just after 1 am (it's now 1:36)...well, I guess it's not that fast. Point is, I have a 2,000 word paper due in just over 24 hours - and I haven't done one iota for it. I guess I've just really stopped caring about this class. See my last blog entry. However, there is hope - I had a paper of an exactly similar length late last week, and I managed to get that done in about four hours (no joke Mark...)

And to finish off, I share the following YouTube video to pay homage to all the negative political ads that everyone is being bombarded with stateside...

I absolutely hate this class...

...so instead I'm going to write in here, while sort of paying attention to lecture. The class is about historical art in Europe throughout the Renaissance Era. Don't get me wrong, I like looking at the pieces, and I'd love to get back to Europe sometime and see these places. However, I could care less about any of the other details. I would have dropped this course, why I didn't I don't know.

Anyway, nothing too new in life - tomorrow the residence hall that I live at is organizing a free trip to some hot pools outside Auckland - I hope that turns out to be fun...

Oh, our flat is finally having another party - well, it started out as a challenge from me to another girl over Edward Fortyhands - except here they don't measure in ounces, nor do they have bottles of beer in an equivalent size (1.2 liters). I guess here, it's called "Edward Scrumpyhands," I'm assuming that has something to do with the type of bottle...

que sera sera

For some reason, I was convinced to hit up the club scene again tonight, why I don't even know. It was more or less a drastic failure (at least for me) from the get-go. Worse, it wasn't anyone's fault but my own. In other words, for those who don't know me really intimately, pretty much every single weakness of mine manifested itself in some form, and somehow contributed to the detriment. Don't get me wrong, I'm elated that the two guy friends I went down with are probably hooking up with two very good looking girls tonight - they did the work, they earned it, but the whole reminded me of how shy (or maybe just socially retarded) I am. Alternatively, I could find fault in another friend of mine for not introducing me as enthusiastically, but they had a good point after I alluded to my issues - "you could always go over and introduce yourself..."

However, by the time the above transgressed, I would have violated the man law, in my interpretation. Although, yes, there were three girls initially (key), by the time I started protesting in secret, only the two girls that were introduced to the guys remained, and I strongly believe the third girl went elsewhere for the same reason I was hesitant to get in the middle of my guy mates. So anyway, I distanced myself, and was OK with things - I actually told my female friend (the one who told me to introduce myself), "well, if I'm not gonna meet anyone tonight, I might-as-well go drink and forget about everything." That was going well and we were all on the dance floor enjoying ourselves, until, oh yeah - forgot to mention, she's single too! So...her and her girl friend got hit on by other guys, who pretty much just shoved me out of the way - the first time through I shoved my way back in, but afterward I came to and decided it wasn't worth a fight, I just walked off the dance floor and stewed from afar.

Watching them enjoy themselves, and my mates enjoy themselves, versus me standing awkwardly alone drinking, further pissed me off. I felt it come up in my face...just the whole scowl and flushing of the cheeks, you probably know what I mean. In other words, I essentially started cock-blocking myself. To seal the deal, I saw my two mates and their gals do a dance train off the floor over to the bar. With that I decided it was time to go home, even though that meant going home alone. My mood plus my lack of self-promotion had more or less sealed my fate.

Perhaps I made my own bed on this one. [redacted] If so, read: I'M STILL SINGLE, AND I'M STILL LOOKING. [redacted]. I dunno, I'm just sick of always having to feel like I have to plead and beg to do things with people - when for every 10 times I do that, I maybe am once asked to join in without me doing any sort of action (asking, first observing then..., etc.).

don't drink and...have the flu

Wow, it's been a really long time since I wrote in this thing. Oh well - I've been away from Auckland the past two weeks, nor am I psyched to be back. At all. Aside from the tests and the fact I've class again, I have the flu. Bona fide this time. As in - body aches, severe chills, headache, etc...so to that effect this entry will be relatively short. Also the reason why I'm in on a Saturday night. Boo. Pretty much killing time while I have another cup of blackcurrant tea that has medicine in it...that's nice. And I'm definitely getting up at 5:30 tomorrow to have another...well maybe not.

Since I can't think clearly, I can't be bothered to write anything more now. Though I will definitely - it has been the best two weeks yet, on multiple fronts.

obviously I'm procrastinating...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/27/nyregion/27arrival.html
August 27, 2008
Newcomers Adjust, Eventually, to New York
By CARA BUCKLEY
Sometime over the course of a person’s first year in New York, there usually comes that moment. It can happen in the first days or weeks, or after 10 months. It can happen repeatedly, or without people noticing, at least not at first.
Newcomers suddenly realize either that the city is not working for them or that they are inexorably becoming part of it, or both. They find themselves walking and talking faster.
The subway begins to make sense. Patience is whittled away; sarcasm often ensues. New friends are made, routines established, and city life begins to feel like second nature...

Ok, so the article itself is concerned with NYC. Other than that, it's something that other city dwellers can relate to. I don't even know why I put it up - well, I liked it for one - but it's not like I'll be here in Auckland long enough to really apply it here.

I suppose the case could be made about Boston. No, it is not a city of 8 million - just a small town of...maybe 1 million? I don't know? Still, though I moved there for college in September of 2004, I probably didn't stop feeling like a tourist until after the summer of 2005 - so about a year later.

How does one know?
Well, for me, it wasn't probably a typical moment; when I was growing up in Vermont, I couldn't wait to leave - the state was just so damn boring! Especially after living - more or less year-round - for four years (I'm counting the time I'm here as still being "from" Boston), I have to say I've developed quite an appreciation for the opportunities to head north. It got to the point (this past summer at least) that I really didn't care to stay in town on the weekends; it was a nice escape.

What are some other points brought up...did I feel lonely despite being surrounded by people almost constantly...
I still do sometimes. Just being surrounded by people doesn't make one feel welcomed/accepted. Don't get me wrong, I have my circle of friends - but, for example, on the T, that kind of surrounding...it isn't comforting. In fact, I'd make a strong case for it being the exact opposite - especially on the rush hour trains (and more in the morning than at night) - just hundreds of people, most of whom look somewhat annoyed at the fact that they had to get out of bed in the first place. Encountering that kind of mentality just reinforces how much they don't care about the other peoples' problems - nor do I care about theirs.

Back to VT for a moment - I do now find myself thinking how 'rural' it is - even just with the laid back lifestyle, seeming resistance to "change" (weasel-word: my standard is based on how I live now...), and (a good thing), how friendly some people are.

I don't know...wow it's 1 o'clock. Time to study. I will probably ramble on later about this.

Procrastinating the inevitable...

What I should be doing right now: short reading and prep for tutorial in an hour.

Oh well.

It's only five pages, so I have...45 minutes.

Anyway, it's finally starting to become tolerable in this city - right now it's sunny out, and at least according to the display on the bus, this should be the first day I think in a month that it's not going to turn overcast or rain. At all. (yeah right...)

On the home strech to mid-semester break, which starts Saturday. Two weeks of no classes, drinks with friends, travel, and so on. I will probably end up staying in town the first week at least. Not because I don't want to go anywhere, but things just didn't organize themselves the way I envisioned. People made plans, many before they even got here in July (so clearly I can't do anything about that). I probably would have done the same thing if I had somehow coordinated going abroad with friends - for example, if they went to Australia or Christchurch, I'd visit them.

I do have a good amount of work to do however...I will confess I have been skipping one of my classes for just over a week (including today): recieved an e-mail outlining the textbook sections to be covered, opened my textbook and realized I was nowhere near that point. Oops. The next test (for this class) is after break, so I should be fine if I catch up.

No regrets though - I am going to Queenstown the second week to ski and watch other friends bungee jump - apparently the main site there is three times as high as the bridge (134 meters/44 stories); the platform, accessed by gondola, is just suspended in midair? no thanks...

Tonight may be interesting...as the two girls in our flat are usually elsewhere - on Tuesday, my flatmate Martyn was proud to report that he had a conversation for a whole 90 seconds with one of the girls (who is NEVER in, or if she is, in her room)-, the three of us will usually end up procrastinating nightly in the common room. The point is that both Zack and Martyn are de facto on break after today...and poor, poor Rajan has a really stupid Art History test at 2 PM tommorrow. ACK! If I leave campus after my tutorial, I should be home by 12:45...a short break for lunch, then I have possibly five - six hours of study time (and I'm not joking around MARK), and then I'll take a break anyway. I'll probably go visiting for a little bit then, who knows.

Alright, I can't procrastinate anymore. Time to go read.

It mightaswell be a sack of potatoes...

I told you it wasn't graceful...